one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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