i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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