you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
