This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
