is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
