Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
