god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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