Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
