i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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