i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
