I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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