don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
