a bad idea.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?