lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood