That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.