Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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