hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
