I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
