hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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