Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
