I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
