i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
