Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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