9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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