You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
