Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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