My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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