Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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