Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's just like the Real World with babies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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