just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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