Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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