I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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