can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize