I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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