I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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