Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
