Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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