I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
