JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
