He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holy shit dude........stairs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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