is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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