Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
