i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
