I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
