Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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