well I can't set my house on fire every night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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