Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
