I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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