I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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