We're facebook friends in real life
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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