It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
