He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
