I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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