I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
