I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
