i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
