i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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