She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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