last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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