Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I believe in your delicious
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize