i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
