why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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