Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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