I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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