Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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