Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
