Pants 0. Shit 1.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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