He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
