i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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