You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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