so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
