when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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