dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
