Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
