She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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